Le Sigh...

Where to begin?

Well it has been a wonderful (read the sarcasm level as strongly as you want to) last few weeks.

At work I have been dealing with trying to get the hotel, and my staff, ready for the upcoming crazy busy that is Festival Seasaon. That, and dealing with the lovely problem employee. More on that in a minute as I need to think before I type anything on that.

I have also been busy trying to finish up a few back logged designs, yes the blog contest winners, fitting in family time, time with the sweetheart of a man I am involved with, time on new projects including design work, and the most important of me time which is as I am feeling lacking a bit.

back to the work thing for a bit. I love the job, I really do. It is basically what I have been doing for the last six to seven years but now with the appropriate title thankfully. I know what I am doing for the most part and am learning other things as I go, to which there is still newness trust me! I like my other managers, and the staff inclusive of my staff though few there are right now only due to the fact that we are still too slow to have any more people working for us as an entirety. Do you sense a but coming? Well there is one, and here it is. I feel comfortable, but what I am having trouble with is the fact that I am here basically every single day.

I know, I know, it is my own doing to a degree. Yes to a degree only. I, as all of the big boss man's managers, are under constant scrutiny in regards to their departments labour. Trust me to keep him happy I am having to fill in for shifts in my department, which means keeping it understaffed, something I am not completely liking but must abide by for the time being until I can hire. This means that as a manager, filling in for a shift means my own job gets put on hold to a degree. Somedays it is easier to do both my job and the shift duties than others, same as it is with whichever shift I am filling in on.

If I was able to pass things off without having to basically train my staff, most of which are great and easily taught, I would. But there is the problem employee. I, as with the other managers, see the potential that she has. She however is an individual who is young and strives to live her life as last minute as possible and wants to get things her way as often as possible.

She and I had a final sit down last week to clear the air. She has a problem with change. I know change is hard to accept by most people but with her it is more of an allergy. Since I started here she has done nothing but through up a brick wall at me and what I am trying to do here as her boss. I am not going to go into too much detail about things she has wanted to go her way and have not, especially when very last minute. Needless to say the air is clear now between us but I still get tension from her which I am hoping will subside. She is the only one that this is occurring with and I don't want to have it weigh on me.

Yes I know I can not have everyone in the world like me but I have told everyone here that I am not here to work against them, that I am here to work with them and for them as much as they are here to work with and for me.

Then there is the whole other list that seems to be eating away at time, or I should not allowing enough time for me to do things that I truly want to do.

I do spend time with the folks, usually on my day off and an evening or two after work for dinner, which suits me fine.

I do however want to be able to spend more time exploring what there is between the individual I have started seeing and I. Unfortunately I ended up having to work for most of this last Saturday while he was here visiting me for the weekend. We enjoyed our time together don't get me wrong, but we are trying to figure out exactly what we have, and with my working, it cut into that time a bit. We both care so very much for eachother, and feel that there is something there between us, but with the distance (he lives in Toronto and I here in Stratford) is hard when you want to talk in person and just snuggle up on the couch and vent about the day you know? We chat online, and truly do enjoy our time together in person, but it is going to get a fair bit limited over the next couple of months. Why? Well we are just staring to get busy here at work and therefore I will not be able to make it to Toronto that much if at all. I also have family obligations for a few dates during the summer. He has volunteer obligations and a few other things as well. Needless to say that there is not enough time!

Typically we talk every day online while at work on and off and in the evening, but we both agreed to step away from doing that this week and over the weekend while he is at his family's in Montreal, in order to take some time to figure out what we have going and where we want it to go. I can not tell you how hard it has been to not just email him everyday and tell him what has been going on.

I also would love more time to finish design projects from the past, and present. I am so very close to finishing several things but need a large portion of time to sit down and check things over and sign off on completion, but that time is not coming closer.

What, may you ask, prompted this realization that I am just comfortable with my job and that my job is causing me to not have enough extra time to do things that I need, want, and should do?

That my dearies, was brought on by the fact an old design client of mine emailed me the other day asking me to do some work for her for her redecorating job on her guest bedroom. She was vague with what she wanted me to do for it, though did tell me she wanted new everything. I called her on Monday evening to ask her what she meant by new everything and to see what she truly wanted my assistance and expertise with. She was not certain. All that she knew was that she was wanting me to make new bed linens for her but was uncertain of what direction she truly wanted to go in for the new look.

I told her to think about it a little more and to give me a call Tuesday evening and we will meet for coffee and discuss what she wanted to do and where she wanted to go style wise. I thought about it pretty heavily through the night Monday and at work Tuesday morning, and it dawned on me. Why am I wasting time thinking about helping someone, yes for money, who hasn't put in any time to think about what she wants? I can do the work yes but I can not sit around wasting what little time I can afford to work on things for her while she makes up her mind.

Coming to that realization made me aware of the insane timing of my life in totality. My work hours are crazy, though less than what they were. Any spare time for everything else is crazy as well and not plentiful enough.

My mini vacation to Toronto a few weeks back helped me realize that I need to do that more often, as well as get away for a time longer than two days. That however is going to have to wait and my mini vacations will have to change to spoiling myself on my time off work, which is minimal right now. Spring is a time of renewal yes, and I need to refresh and recharge myself, and mind, and I know the only way of doing that is for me to lay down the law, yet again with the powers that be and say I need my ME time. Once May rolls around I will hopefully be able to get away for a few days, if not just for a weekend.

On other news...

I cast on the Hemlock Ring Blanket yesterday. I was making really good head way on it as well, that is until I reached the decreases for the petals and the stitch count was getting out of whack. I am going to have no choice but to rip it back, re cast on and start again. This time doing round by round with taking breaks between. Sigh.